Thursday, December 1, 2011

the buggle and the boy

my daughter was home for thanksgiving and one day she came up to visit me while i was working in my office. when she saw a tiny photo of her i've had on my desk for years, she looked at it for a long time and then said,


"I sure look pleased with myself."
and i said, you were. you were very proud of the babushka that you insisted on wearing. i told her that whenever she dressed up like that she would tell me,


"momma, i'm a buggle." 


translation:


"momma, I'm a big girl."


while she was home i needed her to look at some items of hers i was planning to donate to goodwill. even though now she really is a big girl and working in new york city, for a moment she was three again, looking over the crib full of dollies.

it was a bittersweet moment for the both of us. sorting through things that it seemed just yesterday she played with, today, sitting and gathering dust in the basement.  

she wanted me to keep this small toy.

it is hard to let go.


so for the moment, the front hall is piled up with shoes

and the back door entrance is occupied by fencing gear. 



my son is on a trimester system at college so he is home for 6 weeks. with him in the house, i will do more laundry, buy more milk and sleep with one eye open, waiting for him to come home in the wee hours. followed by the smell of 3 a.m. microwave popcorn wafting up the stairwell.


sigh.



normally i manage to keep things fairly clean around the house, but when my kids are home, 


i treasure the mess ;-)

21 comments:

  1. truly bittersweet moments. i am sure you don't mind the mess as long as the kids are home.

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  2. oh dear me. can't really think of what to say. this is so hard. i miss so much the raising years, yet i'm happy my children are all doing so well on their own now. your photos are so poignant, i have done that too, photograph all the shoes lined up by the door. gosh your daughter looks alot like you amanda, she's beautiful.

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  3. Your daughter IS a beautiful woman - just like her Mum! I love all these poignant photographs....the shoes, the fencing equipment! It's a great time for you....the *Sweet* definitely outweighs the *Bitter*!

    Like Lori, all your children will do well in life.....because they had you and your DH to show the way to happiness....

    Love,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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  4. Oh, this story is so touching. Enjoy!

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  5. Amanda, reading your words, I've spent months getting to know your professional side. This post feels like a privilege. Not that it is the absolute first of its kind but it simply feels like a more intimate portrait.

    Thank you for having shared it.

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  6. oh! when i saw the small photograph i saw the resemblance to you. and then your daughter, older! holy holy, she is gorgeous, and yes, a reflection of you.

    enjoy that mess:)

    xo
    erin

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  7. gulp....deep deep love.

    in my own way i'll hold on forever, softly but resolutely, so as not to get in the way.

    how we love our children....

    Love always, amanda
    kj

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  8. This is so sweet! And next time I visit my mother, I'm just going to tell her to "treasure the mess". Ha Ha! I love it!

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  9. this picture of her is very cute!:)
    It is hard to get rid of a part of the past, isn't it?

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  10. Oh lovely. You made me smile, especially adoring the photo and your comment of your daughter looking over her childhood dolls. Do we ever grow up? In parts, maybe. But only in parts. :)

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  11. Gosh that mess thing hits close to home and you know what? It's long lasting in our children and, genetic thing probably, it seems to be transmissible to our grandchildren. That is called continuity.

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  12. There is nothing so wonderful as family mess. Your daughter looks beautiful and it's an amazing shot to see her looking at childhood toys. I love that crib! It's a classic

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  13. thank you all so much for your kind comments. it is bittersweet to have to go through mementos and decide what to keep and what to throw away - even more bittersweet to watch our children grow up.

    but while they are home i do and will try to continue to treasure the mess ;-)

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  14. it is the little things in life that mean a lot. The treasures are the memories we store.

    Glad you had a good time with your daughter and enjoy your son and his mess.

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  15. Yesterday my husband,Hannah and I had to meet with the counselors and go over Hannah's high school plans...I sat there,and watched,...as my big girl,talked about her goals and wishes,...She smiled,listened and spoke with confidence.
    Where did the time go I kept asking myself...she no longer needed us..she knew exactly what she wanted to do..and me,well,for a minute so did I...I wanted her to be five years old again,grabbing on to Mommy and smiling up at me.

    Everyday,every minute,every second I feel blessed.

    Thank you sweet Amanda for sharing that this kind of love never ends.Big Hugs,Cat

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  16. What a cute buggle! Kids are indeed worth the mess.

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  17. Little buggle in a baboushka looking at the crib of dollies - it's nice to take the time together to do some sorting and have some formal closure.
    I'm still doing that with my daughter since she never came home for years after a couple of years at college. Kind of reminds me of me!

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  18. Well, it looks like you're enjoying family time. Your daughter is beautiful, much like you! My house is always a mess- I'm not as ocd about it as I used to be because I know one day they'll move on and the house will be clean, and I'll wait for the days to treasure the mess. What a sweet post. I picked the right time to visit.

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  19. glynis - memories are the treasures - beautifully said~

    cat - i can see you sitting there with your daughter, being quietly amazed at how composed and wise she has become. it is bittersweet to see them grow up, but then again, that's what we raise them to do♡

    (p.s. she will always need you ;-)

    sarah - indeed they are~

    sistah - there is always a chance for this kind of sharing with your beautiful wise daughter and the right moments will present themselves♡

    cheryl - you are very wise to enjoy the moment. kids grow up so fast. i remember thinking the same thing when my children were little, that trying to keep the house clean wasn't as important as spending time with them.

    thanks for stopping by - it's great to 'see' you ;-)

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  20. It is always bittersweet recollecting over items from our past, when we have to let them go.;) I did so very recently upon my relocation.
    Your daughter is as beautiful as you are, enjoy having your kids at home.;))
    xoxo

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