Sunday, September 12, 2010

prayer of the empty nest mom

just returned from taking last born to college. my husband and i drove him up and moved him into his dorm.......

here's what his room looked like before we started rearranging the furniture......

......and during the process, when our son and his roommate decided if they lofted their beds over their desks and wardrobes, they could have a seating (read gaming) area

here's the 'after' picture of his bed above, and desk below where he'll be 'studying'


and the seating area. after the boys lofted their beds, both sets of parents agreed we would purchase an area rug and a small couch. two hours, a visit to the st. vincent de paul used furniture store and $100 later, they had their dream room..........if only we older folks could be so happy with so little...


so we left one happy boy, settled in with x-box, all internet connections working, fridge, full supply of soda, snacks and a few things like notebooks, pens, planner


forever the nerd and a bit of an organizational freak, here is my list of things 'to do' before we left son at college. note that everything is checked off, including having a talk about not playing too much x-box.

on the way home, my husband and i passed a huge field of sunflowers. i took this as a good sign.



i didn't cry until the next day, when i realized his fencing equipment bag wasn't on the back porch where it had always been stored for the last 6 years. it's the strangest things that get to you, i realize. 

so we are now officially empty nesters. this is the sound of an empty house. 


deafening. 



anyway, i have a little prayer i'd like to offer up to the powers that be.......



thank you god, goddess and universe

for hearing my prayer


watch over my son now that he has gone away to college. please keep him safe. praying that he does well in school, makes some nice friends......eats and sleeps reasonably. 

does his laundry. 

and texts his mom sometimes. 


love,
mother of the empty nest


xo♡a

p.s. miss ya my funny little guy

24 comments:

  1. Touching! I remember well, three times. They do come back, though. So, don't remodel their rooms quite yet. They'll want their old stuff, again and again. Come to think of it, my youngest, who is still single, still has stuff with us, stuff that is taking up a whole lot of room!

    It does feel funny and sad, but liberating too.

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  2. No, sweet sad Momma, your house is not empty. It is full of memories and of you and your husband! This is not a lonely place now, believe me! You gave him all you could, and a little more to carry him over, and now he will swim on his own, and so will you.
    You might have forgotten how it is, but this also means some new freedom for you. He will WANT you not to worry, so don`t!
    Love from an older empty nester (whose children are grown and happy and GLAD I can entertain myself.)
    And now trust in the Lord with all thine heart...

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  3. oh amanda, wait until lori reads this. you will both be crying on your keyboards together...

    this is precious, amanda. you've so easily taken me back to my jess' dorm room. it was so damn exciting, really, until we left her there and then it was deafening (you chose the right word alright!)

    but when i went to visit her at college, i was surprised at how welcomed i was, by her and her friends.

    and when she came home during breaks, i was surprised that very little had changed at home!!

    p.s. that field of sunflowers is amazing. i consider that an AWESOME sign for you and your boy!

    love
    kj

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  4. My children aren't old enough to flee the nest yet (16 and 12) but time is marching on!

    P.S. Yes, we had a BBQ last night and very nice too. My son was Barbecue Boy as usual and did a good job as usual.

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  5. Oh, my friend. This post brings tears to my eyes. But you boy sounds like he's going to be just fine. What a clever arrangement he and his roommate came up with for their new lair!

    PS the word verification for this is "misted" :-) Sending you lots of XOXO

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  6. Amanda, I have had no (human) children, but I can feel your sadness. Your boy will fly off (unlike Icarus), soaring high into a bright blue sky and golden future. You and Your Husband made him into the intelligent young man he is....

    As I said to Lori Ann, it's only a few months to Christmas.... you will all be reunited then....

    Sending you love and courage.... he will do you proud!

    ♥ Robin ♥

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  7. Oh hug hug hug dear Amanda. You said it so beautifully. And yes, i do feel everything you are too. We will be okay, I am sure.

    I am glad for you (and your son)it was this way for you, to have the opportunity to drive him, and settle him and have the comfort of knowing where he is and that he has the things he needs. This is good. So much so for the both of you. It looks awesome, his new home, he will do great!

    sending lots of love,
    lori

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  8. it's been a really BIG week for you Amanda!

    I echo what Angela says - she is such a sage.

    here's to sweet dreams and reliving all the fabulous memories

    :-)

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  9. rosaria,

    i'm a real sentimentalist so i won't be remodeling their rooms anytime soon -- and you're right - they do come home a lot (at least the first few years of college) and i am grateful for that. wow - so one of yours is still taking up space with his stuff in your house -- you are one very accommodating mama!

    but you said it so well rosaria♡--- it feels funny and sad, and liberating too -- just now starting to get a taste of that. xoxo

    ------
    thank you dear geli for these words of wisdom. i will remember what you said about him not wanting me to worry - that really helps, to think about that aspect of it. i also really like what you say about being glad you can entertain yourself -- yes!! just now starting to see what that is all about --

    i will work on trusting with my heart, dear geli xxx

    ------
    kj, wow - i didn't know you had a college aged child as well! so you are an expert at this --

    i'm hoping we have the same experience when we visit him next month at fall break - and once they return for holidays i imagine not much does change -- expect more laundry, right!

    i love sunflowers -- especially a whole field of them

    sending love xx

    ------
    dd - yes, at 12 and 16 you have a few years left with your kids at home, so enjoy! and sounds like you have brainbox trained very well to be in charge of the bbq!

    xo

    ------
    japra, knowing that they leave all too soon makes these years leading up so precious. you are such a good mama to spend so much time with your roxi --

    and i love that word veri -- anything to do with mist/mystery is right up my alley!

    sending love and hugs your way♡

    ------
    robin -- such wise words, and i will remember them. luckily, we will see him next month, so we don't have to wait until christmas (that would have been TOO long for me at this early stage ;-)

    thank you for your kind and comforting words dear friend ♡♡

    ------
    lori, i was thinking of you when i was driving back, and wondering what that plane ride back from ny was like for you...

    i feel lucky that we were able to drive and will be able to visit next month for the parent weekend. if he had chosen the california school that might not have been possible to visit as much --

    as kj said, we are both doing our share of keyboard weeping, huh? but i take solace knowing we share this experience. love to you my friend

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  10. hey janet -- you must have been leaving a comment at the same time i was!

    thanks dear for your kind thoughts and i agree heartily -- angela is a sage!! xx

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  11. Thank you, thank you for stopping my blog so that I could find you - I love your blog. This line brought a tear or two to my eyes when i realized his fencing equipment bag wasn't on the back porch where it had always been stored for the last 6 years

    I really like the picture at the top of your blog - it is my dream to own a vineyard one day - I looked at the picture and thought - this could be the perfect land for my vineyard :)

    off to explore rest of your blog :)

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  12. Oh my goodness, your post brought tears to my eyes and gave me chills. It must be so strange to have a quiet house now. With three boys of our own, I can't imagine what that's like.

    I'm sure your son will do quite well, as it seems he's been raised by wonderful, supportive parents. Good luck to him, and to you, on this new chapter in your lives.

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  13. i really dont look forward to those days...luckily i have a bit of time left before i get to that point with my boys...

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  14. Blessings during an interesting change in all your lives.

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  15. bhavana - thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! your instincts are spot on - the header foto was taken at my sister's in montana and altho it's not a vineyard she really want to get into growing grapes and olives, so who knows, maybe one day it will be!

    lovely to meet you! xx

    ------
    julie - your house must be filled to the brim with 3 boys! enjoy the noise ;-) and many thanks for these supportive words♡

    ------
    brian -- like i said to julie, enjoy the noise of boys!! i miss my son's whoops and yelling when he's having a grand time playing x-box with his buddies --

    ------
    rob-bear, interesting change it is. thank you for the blessings......

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  16. So teenaged boys don’t outgrow the x-box addiction by the time they leave to college? My 16 year old son spends too much time on his. Yours might grow up to be an architect with his inventive use of space. It must be so hard to say goodbye. Big hug to you!

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  17. Sending each one of my three off to their first year of college was such a heart-rending experience. When my daughter left for her freshman year, 10 years ago, I had to leave her bedroom door shut until she came home for the Christmas holidays. I couldn't pass her empty room in the hall without bursting into tears. Blessings and peace, my friend.

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  18. sarah, sorry to say, teenaged-boys don't outgrow xbox - they use it to talk to each other and catch up while playing as well as to download the latest films - a very useful but as you say-addictive- pastime!

    thanks for your supportive words xo

    ------
    willow - that's amazing you shut your daughter's door and could do so for that long! I don't have that kind of forbearance i'm afraid - and i admit to standing at the threshold of their rooms and having a cry from time to time. to be expected.....
    kind thanks my friend xx

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  19. reading this I can feel your pain and it tells me that you have been a wonderful Mum :)


    love love the sunflower shot.... really magical.

    x

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  20. oy.

    i cried 141 miles when i delivered my first born to college. we lived 145 miles apart.

    love your blog. i've been needing stuff words like yours. well that and silver bracelets. and fat stars.

    i've marked this so i can come back for more.

    sherry

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  21. Amanda, I knew that this time was coming for you and also know that you will survive and thrive the transition. It is a bittersweet time to know that your child is ready to leave the nest (and should) but there is a sentimental sadness for the baby/child of earlier years.

    Just rest in the comfort of knowing you have raised him well and that he will carry with him all your history. It is wonderful to survive the transition and connect with your children on a different level, different but rewarding. You have many transitions ahead but they will be rich with love and growth (for you both)!

    Hugs to you!
    Genie

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  22. robyn, thanks for that -- i've given it my best shot and know it's time for the next stage..

    and yes, seeing those sunflowers come up on the road was pure magic - xx a

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    sherry - crying for 141 miles....... were you driving?? that must have been one painful and soggy ride.

    i'm really happy you stopped by -- thank you for your kind words. and i am still enchanted by fat stars, wow......

    xx

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    genie - reading your comment brings me a great deal of comfort -- i especially like what you say about the rewards of connecting with a child on a different level once they leave home....i have just begun to experience what that might be like.

    thank you for these wise words♡
    xxx

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  23. I have done this three times. The first time it felt as if my son had died. Drastic I know, but that is the hole he left in our home. When the girls went, I thought I was prepared, but no. Each room looked bare and it took a while to cope.

    It will get better and the sunflowers were a good sign. ♥

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  24. When we drove son #1 to Vermont from Minnesota, it was a long drive home. My eyes tear up even now 12 years later.
    With son #2 it was easier and closer to home but that darn X box can really be a touchstone and a curse for getting your child into any sort of real world.
    With daughter child # 3 I remember all the gear we bought from Bed Bath Beyond - and wish I'd taken out stock in that company. I can see from your photos that they are still the place to shop for college dorm rooms.
    After 12 years we no longer have chamber sanctus for our children safe a few senior photos in a "guest room".
    But just a few minutes ago I felt the pang again of putting a child on the school bus for the first time when I talked with my daughter as she was boarding the city bus to a new job - at a nursery school. I asked her if she was excited/nervous and she said both. Me too!

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